Will Willoughby
While I Have You
To: Research Validation Division <a.acton@underpil.com +52 others>
From: Dave Fitner
Subject: Help?
Hi, all,
Does anybody know, or could help me find out, how I could donate or otherwise pass along what’s probably several 30-gallon trash bags of women’s clothing? It’s blouses, slacks, dresses, pajamas, robes, and such, but shoes as well, including sandals and water shoes, and accessories like belts, scarves, head bands, and things I don’t know what to call. Also jewelry.
Maybe Goodwill? I’ll need a pickup situation, is all. Since we all went home, I’ve been having seizures, so I’m grounded for a while. And it’s all free. I just need to get it out of the house.
Dave
* * *
To: Dave Fitner
From: Kenn Graves
Subject: RE: Help?
Attachment: CommChannelsFinal.docx
David,
I’ve stripped everyone else from the string to surface the Comm Protocols (attached) for your review.
The salient sections outline the framework for deploying comms via the Division distribution list reserved exclusively for Leadership to disseminate updates on matters related to Divisional operations. For personnel seeking a forum for business-appropriate messaging such as items for sale, as in your case, a Community Chat has been mounted on the What’s U&P Connections4U page.
Once again, Leadership is deeply sorry for your loss.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Hi, Kenn,
Right—forgot about the chat. My bad. Since I got back from leave, I’ve been off. Like there’s this hissy static in my head all day. And I don’t sleep. I rest, or I stay in bed for a long time without moving, but that’s not sleep, not really. I’ll get there.
Anyway, I’ve grabbed some sets of the uplift project. Figured that’d be a good way to ease back into things.
Dave
* * *
David,
Understood.
Please see attached EAP Guide to Mental Resources and Dental Plan. Contact HR via the Benefits Portal with any questions.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Thanks, Kenn.
I’ll take a look. Maybe it’s the way to go. Things haven’t been great since the thing. Working at home doesn’t help. The seizures super don’t help. It’s hard to explain. It’s all the time now. I just stare into space, and my arms get crawly, and I lift off the floor and drop again, over and over, and want to puke. And I know—I’m sure—I’ve dreamed all whatever’s happening. Even the smallest thing—clicking that file, seeing that crumb on my keyboard, glancing at my phone just like that. And I have to remember what’s going to happen, based on the dream. I have to stop whoever’s going to do it. I don’t know who it is, just that he’s somebody I know. Or somebody I know but don’t know. Sometimes I see him in gallery meetings. He jumps into each face on the screen, one by one, but if I look right at him, he goes away. Next day, same thing.
Anyway, I’ll keep chugging.
I tried logging into the portal when I got back, but it gave me an error. It’s just my regular credentials, right?
Dave
* * *
David,
The Benefits Portal is under the purview of HR. Outreach them to troubleshoot your access.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Kenn,
I’m not sure how to outreach HR to troubleshoot my portal access if I need to access the portal to outreach HR.
Do you have the HR phone number? It must be someplace, right? Maybe the portal. (ha ha)
* * *
David,
I’ve done some digging. Call the main line. They’ll connect you to our HR rep, Carla H., who can help you troubleshoot.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Dear Kenn,
The main line people are pretty convinced the portal’s the way to get HR’s attention. After I explained the access issue, they said they’d have HR call me. Which, fine. But that was last Tuesday.
Does Carla H. have an email? I couldn’t find her in the directory, especially since I don’t know what the H stands for.
* * *
David,
I can’t resolve your Portal issue. It must be handled by HR.
Carla’s real name is Saundra. It’s s.holder@underpil.com.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
That makes a lot of sense, Kenn. Thanks for the clarifying clarification. Wondering: Why does she go by Carla if she’s really Saundra?
* * *
David,
I don’t know.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Hi, Kenn,
Your assistance with the reopening of the portal is much appreciated! (Carla/Saundra says hey! Kind of a hey-yah, actually. Frankly, it’s unnerving friendliness, like you’d probably back away if you were in person, way beyond six feet. But hey—that’s classic Carla/Saundra, amirite?)
Turns out I just needed to clear my browser cache, should you ever need to avail yourself of well being and/or dental services.
Not sure what to expect from this portal now that it’s gaping open for the conquering! Will they put me through to a healthcare professional right there on the spot? Will they divert me to a receptionist who channels me to a second portal to scroll through an index of therapists so I can leave a voice mail for a scheduler who will schedule an appointment for two, three months out? And say I’m eventually connected to a healthcare professional, what then? Will I get a movie therapist (I hope!) who steadies me on my journey from grief to epiphany? Or will I spend a month or months spilling my guts (feat. blubbering) before I discover that this therapist abides by an Important Philosophy of Mental Health that emboldens them to constantly interrupt me in the name of disrupting my equilibrium, which just means I have to find somebody new, and then the cycle repeats, and I wait a month, another month, for a new therapist, who asks me to re-explain what’s wrong with me, but by then, I can’t even remember?
I’ll keep you in the loop! ;-)
* * *
David,
Glad to hear you found a therapist. Let me know if I can help.
While I have you, I’ve been asked to quietly update folks so they’re not caught off guard when this is socialized at the Quarterly Town Hall. Leadership, consulting with the Workload Task Force, has decided to merge the SNM and LOP divisions into a new entity, S&OL, which will be a streamlined functional group operating with an appreciably smaller workforce than the two original divisions combined.
Please keep this under your hat, as no personnel adjustments have been executed on.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Kenn,
Bummer! Wonder what all those personnels are going to do for mental and tooth insurance.
* * *
David,
As always, I’ll assume good intent here and that you’re not cognizant of this, but the tone of your recent emails has drifted into quasi-professional waters. While I appreciate and even encourage positive (respectful) candor, please be aware of how an individual’s tone may be perceived by others, regardless of intention. Does that make sense?
Also, could you please update me on your progress on the uplift project, percentage-wise? I’m a bit worried you’re stretched thin.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Kenn,
I wouldn’t say I’m stretched thin, but thanks for the compliment. ;-) Percentage-wise, the uplift project is somewhere between getting started and nowhere near being done. I grabbed the uplift stuff because it seemed to be a low priority. Is that no longer the case?
Re: my tone, I’ll keep that in mind. To exercise some positive (respectful) candor, I’ve got a cleanout project in flight at home that’s been claiming much of my energy. Between that and navigating the wellness waters, my plate’s been full. The at-home initiative will, I admit, take some time, as the volume is prohibitive. My primary end goal is to offload her items, including but not limited to her clothes, her shoes, her toiletries, her winter coats, her spring windbreakers, the backyard games she wanted, the camping gear we never used, the bedding that still smells like her, all her knickknacks, all her sheet music and books, all her sketches and paintings, all the photos, all the Post-its she left me in the morning, all the food she liked, and all the rest of whatever was hers and sometimes ours but now nothing at all.
Let me know your thoughts on the uplift project, and I can redirect my energies as need be. :-) ;-) :-( :-|
* * *
To: Saundra Holder
From: Kenn Graves
Subject: Personnel Question
Attachment: RE_ Help_.eml
Carla! How’s things? Sorry I haven’t checked in lately—it’s been a lot to deal with <gestures in every direction>. Since we went home, I’ve missed our lunchtime chats. Maybe do virtual lunch?
Wanted to get your thoughts on a direct report, David Fitner. His behavior’s been erratic lately. His performance hasn’t exactly been exceptional either. Hoping you can give me some viable options for a path forward. I’m sure we have to be careful, liability-wise.
Could you take a look at the attached email string? Let me know if you have time to chat.
Kenn
* * *
To: Kenn Graves
From: Saundra Holder
Subject: RE: Personnel Question
Mr. Kenn! Great to hear from you. :) Virtual lunch sounds awesome – let’s do it!
Looked over that email, he does seem out of sorts. I don’t think he crossed a line, he’s just venting. He was like that when I talked to him – real verbal. He’s looking for somebody to talk to.
I get what you’re saying with the “path forward” but there’s not much to do unless there’s a super obvious pattern. Performance would need to be coached and then a performance improvement plan given etc. before you get your path. Unless he just decides to move on.
All the best,
Carla
* * *
Thanks, Carla. I’ll monitor and let you know. But I like your idea—wait him out, see how he handles some more work. I’ve got a truckload. With the right catalyst, the situation could resolve itself.
See you for remote lunch tomorrow.
Mr. Kenn
* * *
To: Dave Fitner
From: Kenn Graves
Subject: Incoming Work
David,
I need you to jump on a request right away—it’s got a tight turnaround. Kevin S. will send you the details. We’re pushing the uplift project over to the contractors.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
To: Kenn Graves
From: Dave Fitner
Subject: RE: Incoming Work
Kenn,
What kind of job?
I’m partway through one of the sets. It’d be hard for somebody to pick that up midstream. Should I finish that one at least?
* * *
David,
Good question. No, leave that set unfinished. The contractors will do it. Your focus will be the packet Kevin S. is sending you. Have you heard anything yet?
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Kenn,
No, he hasn’t outreached me in the five minutes since your last email. Want me to drive to his house and see what’s taking so long?
* * *
David,
Let me know as soon as the packet arrives. I’ll need a quick rundown on your tack and a guesstimate on your ETA. See attached template JobRoadmapToT_final.pdf. You’ll need to convert it to Word. You have that software, yes?
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
Kenn,
My license expired—meant to tell you. Could you just convert it to Word for me?
* * *
David,
I could convert it but would rather take a teach-a-man-to-fish approach here. Please reach out to Ken B. through the Help Desk to have him reinstall the application this afternoon.
To summarize
Contact Ken B. for reinstallation of the software. A lengthy reboot will be necessary, and you’ll need to enter some basic job info. If you don’t have that on hand, it’s in the Portal.
Convert the template to Word format. Careful! The conversion process often dislocates labels from their related fields.
Notify me when Kevin S. contacts you. (He hasn’t outreached you yet?)
Complete the Word template, including your plan of attack and time estimates, remembering to update the total field for that column.
Give me an update on your progress on the packet.
Make sense?
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
David,
Haven’t heard back from you, so just a friendly reminder that you should be diving in by now. Kevin S. pinged me to say the packet got sent over. Have you cracked it open yet? Any do-ability blockers? Any word from IT on your software?
Keep me updated, please.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
David,
Shutting down for the day, but I’ll have my cell with me. Contact me first thing tomorrow.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
David,
You’re not logged in. There’s no answer on your cell. Check in asap.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
David,
Call me.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
* * *
To: Kenn Graves
From: Dave Fitner
Subject: Update
Kenn,
Got your notes. Thanks.
I’ve been thinking about the bedroom. It’s funny. Most of it’s painted pale mocha, but half of the east wall is an expanse of Granny Smith, this vibrant green that starts in the far corner and spreads toward the white window frame, where it terminates in a crisp vertical line. The wall behind my desk, to the right of the window, is still that milky brown. There are no curtains on the window, no shade or curtain rod. I’ve moved the paint cans, rollers, brushes, and drop cloths to the basement. But a strip of blue painter’s tape runs along the ceiling where it meets the wall. In the morning, the sun comes through that window and wakes me up, and I sit on the bed awhile. Today the bare branches of the oak outside my window are covered in ice. They droop and sway and turn the sunlight into pinpricks. I open the window so I can hear the branches tick in the breeze.
It’s been open all morning, the window. The cold feels heavy in my lungs. My feet are bare, but the radiator warms up the air near the floor. I imagine currents of cold pushing through the window over the warm air, shearing it off and spreading it out as the bent back of that warm pocket bulges up and then falls again. Particles of dust float through a column of sun.
Sunlight, I’ve read, is unspeakably ancient. Or it can be. Did you know that? Photons born in the heart of the sun take maybe tens of thousands of years to push their way through the churning plasma to the photosphere, where they streak at the speed of light across ninety-three million miles in only eight minutes to glint in the icy branches outside my window and lift the dust in my room. Moving that fast, the photons themselves don’t experience time. From the outside, though, billions of years have passed since the sun lit up, and billions more will follow until the sun swells into a gigantic red mouth that eats the inner planets and burns the life from the surface of our little world.
I’ll close the window eventually. I’ll take the painter’s tape down. I’ll put the curtains back up. I’ll get a new shade, one without a rip. I’ll dust. I’ll vacuum. I’ll put socks on, and then shoes. I’ll drink coffee. I’ll shovel the driveway in the winter, mow the lawn all summer. Kids will squeal in the sprinkler next door. I’ll rake leaves. I’ll take walks. Read. I’ll pay the bills, buy groceries. I’ll drive again. I’ll take my meds. I’ll do those things. I’ll do one thing and then another and then something else. The bedroom wall, though, will stay the way it is. I’ll leave it like that, half one thing and half another. Both and neither. I’ll see it there, just like that, when I wake up in the morning. I’ll think of it while I’m doing what I’m doing during the day. And I’ll see it there, as it is, when I eventually, quietly, go to sleep.
Be well, Kenn.
You have my address. Please send any hard-copy comms, including terminal remuneration, there.
David
* * *
To: Research Validation Division <a.acton@underpil.com +51 others>
From: Kenn Graves
Subject: Praise for a Fantastic Team!
All,
I wanted to extend my heartfelt kudos to all of you who participated in the audit and reconfiguration project! It’s heartening (but not surprising) to see such thoughtful dedication and continued resilience. What a team!
Quick update: Dave Fitner has decided to part ways from Underwood & Pilch for greener pastures. Effective immediately, any in-flight work should come directly to me. Thank you all for supporting him during his recent time of need. We appreciate you!
Finally, this time has been a trial for us all, and we’d like to remind you of the great support services available through the EAP. If you or anyone in your family is struggling with mental health, please contact HR through the Benefits Portal.
Warm regards,
Kenn Graves
Associate Director, RVD, Underwood & Pilch
#####
Author’s Note: “While I Have You” was inspired by the Reedsy.com prompt: “Write a story in the form of a letter, or multiple letters back and forth.”
Will Willoughby’s short stories, often populated with characters facing absurd, comically sad situations, can be found in Epiphany, Defenestration, and elsewhere. He lives with his wife and daughter in southern Maine and can be reached through the contact form at www.willwilloughby.com.
