Lauren Smith
Twenty-Seven of My Fears at Age 17:
A Password-Protected List
Rejection
Letting people in
That if I come out, I cannot be platonically affectionate with my girl (space) friends anymore
When you are served a chicken dinner at a restaurant but they leave the ribcage in and you are forced to grapple with the mortality of eating something with a bone structure that resembles your own
An empty plate
A full plate
Everyone else’s plate empty while mine is full
College and relapsing and losing control
That this is what my life will always look like
Getting my period at prom and bleeding all over my dress
School shootings
Fire
The dark
Regret
Losing my home
Let me repeat this since I don’t know if it sunk in: chicken. ribcages.
Religion
That my relationship with my parents will always be this
Recovery
Being alone
Getting better
Never getting better
Living
Dying
Diarrhea
Never being content with what my life is
Endings
Lauren Smith is a queer writer living in Boston. She can be found often with her steam cleaner, getting into the nooks and crannies of her apartment. She loves prose filled with long sentences that swell all around the reader, candles that smell like water, and crocheting to whatever reality dating show just premiered. Find her on substack @heyitslalasmitty
